I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
