Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
