WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
