dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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