My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
