that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
