Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you inspire me to be a worse person
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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