yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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