that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
