I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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