U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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