We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize