Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
She's the barista slut.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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