im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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