I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
