Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
