You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
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Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
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I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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