does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
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Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize