I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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