just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
