Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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