there was a trapeze. enough said
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
