better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
