Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
