margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
