if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
