Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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