We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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