I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dick very happy bro
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
