please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
