We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
