He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
