well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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