Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
