we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
