It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
