I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
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You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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