Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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