I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
