When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
