if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Randomize
