The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
