omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
