I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
