I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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