She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Slut skills are useful in every country.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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