I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
