She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
