My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
