Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
