never play flip cup with pint glasses
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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