you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
