The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
sarcasm needs its own font
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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