Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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