Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
