Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
