I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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