what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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