those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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