Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
