Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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